Sunday, June 6, 2010

Re: Coming Out Letter Ideas

Thank you for all of your wonderful input and insight on my last post asking for guidance on writing a coming out letter. At the bottom of this post, I have responded to each of your comments.

As a quick update, work has been insanely busy this past week and when combined with some pretty severe computer problems, I have not been able to work on the letter like I originally hoped to. (Or read, comment or interact with the MoHosphere. I am going to try to catch up.) I almost lost my letter because of a computer crash but was able to recover it. I had prepared myself to have to start the whole thing over again.

It is interesting how hard it has been to write this letter. I usually have no problem whatsoever when it comes to writing. I enjoy it. But I have found as I sit looking at the screen and the pulsating cursor, I have held back so much for so long and bottled up so much emotion that now as I crack open, aside from the initial blast of thoughts and feelings, I am quite speechless.

I also just finished reading the book, “No More Goodbyes.” (I’ll write an exclusive post on that later.) I know for sure that my letter will be accompanied by a copy of that book when I give it to my parents. My mom reads so much, I wouldn’t put it past her to read it all in one evening (depending on her emotional state).

Thank you again for your comments and thoughts.

@Rob: Thank you for that link and resource. I think my letter is going to have a little bit of everyone’s ideas and concepts in it.

@LDS Brother: Thanks for the well wishes! Do you think you will ever take that step?

@Reina: For me, I think a letter will be best, but I will be there in person to give it to them and talk to them after. I just don’t trust myself to speak coherently if I were to come out to them just by talking to them. I really do hope that they still love and accept me, though I know not to expect that right off the bat. For many people it takes time. Also, thank you for sharing with me that question. I added a whole paragraph on how my parents shouldn’t blame themselves. I can’t wait to have everything out in the open.

@AKLDS: Thank you so much for sharing your experience and letter with me. It is really helpful. I hadn’t considered including too much religious text but you showed me how it could be done. Congratulations on coming out to your mom, and I hope the rest of your family takes it well too.

@Justin: I am sure my parents will have lots of questions too. I have never really opened up to them before, though we are very close. I expect that we will share tears together. As to my future course, I am sure they will ask about it. You mentioned your parents asked about that, and it is the hardest part for me so far, simply because I don’t know my course yet. I don’t know whether I will find a happy balance or go to one extreme or the other. I am a very active, upstanding member of the church, though my testimony has not been as strong as it once was. And I don’t have to worry about your last comment to avoid mentioning any relationships. That is simple enough for me. I’ve never had any. Thank you for sharing your post, for your encouragement and the confidence boost, too!

@El Genio: Thank you for sharing your letter with me. I hope my parents have the same reaction, though I will be there in person with them. Also, thank you so much for the list of questions! I really had to ponder each one and they helped me put myself into my parent’s shoes. I honestly expect to be asked each and every single one of those questions you mentioned. About expectations, I completely agree and understand. I have tried to address the differences between being gay and “suffering” same sex attraction.

@Romulus: I am jealous of the fact that you knew so clearly ahead of time what path you wanted to follow. Most of my current mental and spiritual grief is trying to imagine what is next in my life. But I am at least happy that I am facing those important decisions instead of ignoring them. I am gearing up for their reaction, preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

@Quiet Song: Your comment made me smile! (And I would love to read a copy of that poem.) My family dynamics are pretty fluid. We talk with each other every single Sunday without fail. I am sure the conversation after the letter will be quite interesting, and I wonder if my parents will tell other family members even though I will ask them not to. My family is quite chatty.

@JonJon: You made a wonderful point about keeping it simple. I was trying to get everything out and on paper and you made me think that may not be the best strategy, though I still think the letter will be quite lengthy. Instead of being more stream of consciousness, I am trying to organize my thoughts more.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, crap. Even the process of the letter writing has been a journey for you. I hope the rest goes smoothly. I think I may reveal if I were to be in a long-term relationship with a guy. Otherwise...